Those Phrases from A Father Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - spending a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."